PUD Moves in to 320 Thomas

Sophomore year of college, my two best friends and I moved into a suite on campus. The suite contained a double and two singles. Jordan and Ford shared the double, and me and our friend Jay took the singles. The moments that followed are that of legend, and shall not be uttered here. Well, certain moments shall not be uttered here as they are inappropriate even for a blog whose entire premise surrounds being frank.

I digress.

Jordan (the Jewish, sheltered friend) started the year off for us with a very memorable event: he got drunk. Yes, I got drunk too and probably passed out with my shoes on, thus allowing people to write and draw penises all over my body with permanent marker, causing me to panic upon waking up due to the fact that I had a doctor’s appointment that day, but that is a separate story. You see, on our first night at Thomas Hall in Suite 32 Jordan got drunk for the very first time in his life. I am proud to say that it was under my influence, and Irish affinity for alcohol, that Jordan conceded excitedly to drink.

First, I would like to point out the obvious: Jordan did not get drunk through his entire Freshman year of college. Now now, it was a choice of someone not interested in the effects of alcohol. That lack of interest, though, was due to ignorance to its effects. After educating him through a year of blatant abuse of that delicious substance, he wizened up, and has been a fan ever since.

It was during this year that we befriended our neighbors through a common obsession: Halo. Using the campus Ethernet, we were able to connect our Xboxes so that we could play massive games of Halo that often erupted into wrestling sessions in the halls or chairs being thrown into rooms. But that is neither hither nor tither. We learned in our friendship that our friends belonged to Kappa Sig: one of the most fun fraternities on campus. After becoming friends, we were soon being invited to parties at their house. Kappa Sig became a Friday night ritual. We were suddenly groupies, and we had no problem with it.

Our Friday’s usually consisted of the following: I finished with classes in the early afternoon, stocked us with alcohol, and began drinking. By the time Jordan and Ford had finished classes, I was well on my way, and was thus able to convince Ford start up. Jordan would wait and watch as Ford and I drank beer after beer due to the fact that we consisted of 50% alcohol, 50% flesh and Jordan was 50% flesh, 44% blubber, 5% questionable homosexuality, and 1% Jewish. Dinner came, involving something fatty. Heavy pre-gaming would occur pre and post shower and then we would head to Kappa around 11:00pm. We would leave around 3:00, and if alone we would cook pork roll on our George. Yes, pork roll. I miss it so…If not pork roll, it was Waffle House, which I shudder at to this day due to the number of visits. Ford and I would usually pass out sitting in chairs watching tv with beers in our hands, and eventually wander to our beds at some point in the night. Jordan would go to bed prior to pork roll, or post Waffle House depending on the night, with his “bonnet”. (See example to right)

My grades were sub 3.00 as you can imagine. During the week, I would sit in front of the tv in our common room with an open book with the intention to read but lacking the will or concentration to do so. Ford and Jordan often teased me of this tactic, but I must admit that having the book in hand with intention released me of a large amount of the guilt of not doing it. I would often spend Thursday afternoon trying to convince Ford that his work “wasn’t that important” and that drinking was a much more engaging substitute. I proudly admit that I had a 93.3% success rate in this tactic.

I must pause, and fast-forward to graduation at this point to make something clear: I was not a waste in college. I took college more seriously from second semester Sophomore year to Senior year, ending up graduating over a 3.00 GPA. How much over, I dare not say…but at least we have that clear. Game onnnn!

The antics that surrounded that year cannot nearly be recounted in a single blog entry. Between a can of white paint, fights, alcohol, Ford’s many love interests, Jordan’s newfound affinity for new experiences, Turkey Hill, Loan, Kappa Sig parties, causing someone to tear their ACL, and exams, Sophomore year came close to being the craziest and most exciting year of college for PUD. Came close, yes, but oh so far…